Space Dogged (transcript)

Episode: Space Dogged

[The episode begins with a black and white film. A hammer and sickle under "C.C.C.P." is displayed.]

Announcer [Russian accent]: It is height of twentieth century, 1954! Space race has officially been launched, and race to conquer space begins! IN RUSSIA! And there's no shortage of brave young men volunteering to make Soviets first in space!

Man shaking Ren's hand from behind Lenin cardboard cutout: Welcome, suckers! I mean, comrades!

Announcer [Russian accent]: These men must make great sacrifices. Leaving their beloved faithfuls behind for the good of their country. [Man shaves Ape, Ren and Stimpy's hair.]

Announcer [Russian accent]: They must endure battery of electronic tests to prepare them for rigors of space, via electronic stimulation. [The men press the A button, Ape was punching Ren. The men press the C button, Stimpy slaps Ren. The men press the B button, Ren punches himself as he whimpers after.]

Our training facilities employ most advanced Russian technology. Good luck, comrades! This rocket sled produces twenty billion pounds of thrust! To prepare for blast off! [Ren and Stimpy and the rocket smashes the wall.] And landing.

Your rubles are hard at work with this state-of-art, G-force simulator! [Kowalski press Forward button.] This colossal forged steel fan turns at unbelievable velocity! [Fan winds at Ren and Stimpy.] Equinpment is monitored closely by crack technicians as not to exceed threshold of human tolerance. [Kawolski laughs and press Reverse button. Fan sharps at Ren and Stimpy. Cuts to Ren and Stimpy hops on the rocket]

These been a simple of final test of feeling in space. [Ren and Stimpy eats potatoes, Men sent to dime. Rocket, Ren and Stimpy are shaking faster. Ren and Stimpy barfs.]

In this test, we cenerate in space cancelled in high pressure Isolation chamber. Let's see how they built. After 167 test with a food, full of water. [Kowalski opens to Ren and Stimpy. Ren has a knife and fork and Stimpy as a turkey. Ren and Stimpy looks at Kowalski.] In began, our boys pass the test with flying gather proofing once again. That people of great prepare for the goblin page to the friends. [A endcard is "The ENDSKI".] In SPA-A-A- [The film burns and picks off the film. Cuts to black, Fades to Cosmonaut Lounge. "Wait here for Launch."]

Launch Announcer #2: Rocket 11, ready for launch. Cosmonauts Report to LaunchPad. [Kowalski used two mices on the rocket. Two mices salutes Kowalski. Kowalski tears up. Rocket burns.] Will report to launch pretend. [Crazy man is looking at the fate of two mice and is holding a 12 card.] Launch Announcer #2: 12 report to launch pad. [Crazy man look at "Now servingski: 12. Crazy Man gives a 13 card and gives 12 card at Stimpy.]

Crazy Man: HEY! There is some kind of mistake... He's number 12! I'm 13! [Kowalski grabs the Crazy Men] NO! TAKE THE FAT GUY!  [Kowalski goes Crazy Man to the rocket] AAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! NO! NO! NO! NO!!! [Rocket explodes. Ren and Stimpy giggles.]

Stimpy: Pal, I guess our number's UP. [Ren and Stimpy walks. Ren, Stimpy and Kowalski goes up. Stimpy is eating cookies.] Hey, Renovich, van'a bite with my promdinish? And da drink with my Stimpy hot co- I, I've got to go potski. [Stimpy whimpers as his mouth shakes with puppy eyes.]

Ren: So, go right ahead and hop on it. It's willfully presithicly designed for that.

Stimpy: Gosh.

Ren: Hey, wait a minute... [Stimpy farts] HEY HEY HEY! ABORT MISSION!! [Kowalski grabs Ren and Stimpy and goes to the rocket. Two Pigs is on the USA ship]

Speaker: Launch. [Pig press the button and Rocket blasts off] Launch, sinder, three, dwah. Launchk NOEL! [Ren press the Launch button. Rocket blasts off high to the sky. Rocket parts falls off.]

Stimpy: OHH MY HEAD!

Ren: I LOVE YOU! [The anthea scans. Kowalski was dancing. Ape claps his hands. Kowalski kicks the signal. TV is now static. Kowalski tears off. The sign says "ALARTSKI".]  ALARTSKI! [Ren and Stimpy screams. Spundnik falls down. Ren look at the gas fuel. The fuel is going low.] We need more power! More potatoes! FASTER! [Stimpy was putting a potatoes on the fire with his shovel faster. Spudnik are blasting up.]  It's working, Stimpski!

Stimpy: AUGHSKI! We're out of potatoes! [Spudnik is almost out.]

Ren: Then... BREAK UP THE FURNITURE!! [Stimpy breaks the furniture and put in the fire. Stimpy was about to brind the art.] NOT THE MI'TESK! [Stimpy brings the furniture on the fire. Stimpy pants]

Stimpy: There's no more fuel.  [Spudnik are up on the moon. Ren and Stimpy are flying] Ve' made it!

Ren: Mission complete! The Soviet Socialist Republic, FIRST in space.

Stimpy: Neit, neit! O.S.A.! [Ren and Stimpy saw the U.S.A. Ship.]

Ren: Say, I bet they have plenty of fuel. I got a plan. [Fades to Ren and Stimpy.] One more time, you take the hose, stick it on the fuel tank and I'll suck up the gas! Got it?

Stimpy: Duhhh, dah. [Ren press the button. Stimpy is going in space. Stimpy was flattered along. Stimpy bonks the U.S.A. Ship. Stimpy's helmet was cracking. Stimpy was choosing Fuel or Septic Tank. Stimpy was choosing Septic Tank. They plug it in.]

Ren: Nice work, Comrade Stimpy. [Ren sniffs] They're must been run on manure! [Pig is reading a newspaper and the Pig is appearing Ren and Stimpy's ship. Pig looks at Ren and Stimpy.]

Pig: Russian dog!

Ren: Capitalist pig!

Pig: Back off, man. Stinkin' Bolsheviks! You'll never take me alive! [Ren looks at Stimpy] Remember the animal! [Pig goes in the fire and roast it on the fire. Spudnik flys to the left.]

Speaker: Go. [Pig pulls the lever. U.S.A. flies through Spudnik.]

Stimpy: We're running low on pig.. and there's nothing left to burn! We'll never win this space, Ren.

Ren: Hmmm, It ain't over yet. We still have THESE! [Ren sees the underwear. Stimpy covers up.]

Stimpy: [screams] NO REN! That's too much power!

Ren: If you wanna win, drop 'em! [Stimpy grabs the socks] Grab hold to your butt, comrade! [Ren throws the sock to the fire and Spudnik was having too much power and flys too full blast.] [Ren laughs.] WE WIN! WE WIN! [U.S.A. ship was burning and falls down.]

Speaker: Panic.

Pig: AAAAAHH!

Stimpy: Inertial guidance system on.

Ren: Check.

Stimpy: Full boost vertical.

Ren: Da.

Stimpy: Fuzzy Dice.

Ren: Roger Mildred.

Stimpy: Landing thrusters, CHECK! [Spudnik drops on the ground at the university. Ren and Stimpy hops on the C.C.C.P. inflatable boat. Ren and Stimpy was sailing. Ren and Stimpy saw a general.]

General: Welcome home, boys. You're heroes! [General looks at Ren and Stimpy]

Ren: Uhh, John Wayne? Uh, Bang bang?

Stimpy: Kooka-Cola, whisky sell good time bang bang baseball Joe?

General: [screams, General saw the three vehicles] Hmmm.... [General gives the american flag to Ren and Stimpy. General salutes. All the people takes a picture at Ren and Stimpy. Fades to USA #1. They all celebrated. Ren and Stimpy are eating corn in a cob on the car.]

All the people: We're number one! We're number one! We're number one!

Ren: Better fed than red! [Cuts to USR #2]

All the people: We're number two! We're number two! We're number two! [Pig are on the plate on the car. The iris is closing completely. And at the end of the episode, the pig is squealing offscreen.]