Episode: Ren's Retirement
Ren's Retirement

[The episode begins at an A frame house with "Hoek" over the door.]

Stimpy: Oooh! It's almost done! Goody goody goody! I just LOVE making things for Ren. [laughs, looks at the door, Ren opens the door with an axe in one hand and logs in the other.]

Ren: [singing] Yo Ho, Yo Ho, it's a manly life for me. [normal voice] Well, I just ran 20 miles and chopped enough wood to last for the rest of the year. And I'm not even winded.

Stimpy: Very impressive.

Ren: [juggling some TV, Fish and Tower Clock] Yes sir, I am the prime of my life.

Stimpy: So you feel... GREAT, Ren?

Ren: Yup, it could be better, little buddy. [He ripped his couch]

Stimpy: Do you feel REALLY great! [Ren check the biceps]

Ren: Yeah yeah, I said so did I. [Ren was hearing a crashing sound and Mrs. Buttloaves are stuck on a bus.]

Mrs. Buttloaves: HELP! Save my kidneys! [Ren spits his hand and push the bus away from Mrs. Buttloaves and gets up, laughs, Ren holds up Mrs. Buttloaves with Love. Ren winks and throws Mrs. Buttloaves away.]

Ren: Yes sir, I feel pretty darn good.

Stimpy: Well, I'm gonna make you feel even BETTER! [smiles]

Ren: How can YOU make me feel any better than I do now? What are you up to?

Stimpy: It's your birthday. Happy happily birthy-day. Woof woof! Bark bark! Meow! Beep beep!

[Ren was so excited for the birthday cake.]

Ren: Ohhh Stimpy, you're too good to be.

Stimpy: You're 10 years old. [Ren inhales.] That's 70 for dog years. [Ren raspberries.]

Ren: Di-Did you say... 70!? [Stimpy nods "yes".] I can't be THAT old.

Stimpy: Well, are you gonna eat your cake, Grampa?

[Ren put the cake on Stimpy's mouth, Stimpy will don't know the answer and start eating the cake.]

Ren: He's right! I'm 70 years old! [Close-up to Ren] 70 years old! [Zoom to Ren's face] 70 years old! [Zoom to Ren's eyes] 70 YEARS OLD!! [screaming] Stimpy, I'm too young to be old already! [sobs]

Stimpy: There there now, Dry those bloodshot eyes. Remember Ren, you're only as young as you feel. [Ren sniffs] Besides, you're a great for the man of the years. [Ren has a gray hair]

Ren: Really, ya think so? [Stimpy nods "yes".] Hey, you're right Stimpy! [Stimpy looks on Ren's gray hair] Being old is really oweing your head.

Stimpy: Hey Ren, Looky! You got a grey hair on your head! [Ren has old skin] In fact, all three of your hairs are gone totally gray.

Ren: Oh no. It's true! I'm nothing but the dry still coot and I'm getting older than a second! I... I can't feel it. Hah, I mean. [Ren's feet was deflated, Ren shows his feet flattened and gasps] Full of arches. [Stimpy feels sick]

Stimpy: Hey Ren, what's wrong with your skin? It's looking all kinda raggy saggy. [Ren pushes at Stimpy]

Ren: My skin! It's lost all the last desity! [Stimpy was disgusting, burps and he's very sick.]

Stimpy: Too much cake.

Ren: Oh, cruel! How fate! What is happening to hayness treat so has plan upon me! [Ren looks at his hands, gasps] My hands! Look at my hands! Clever spots! [Stimpy was about to barf, Ren's ear was growing grey hair] My style ear, is growing through the majestic gray! [Close-up to Ren's ear was made of grey hair, Stimpy was gagging and he barfs out the cake.] Quick Stimpy, Give me a mirror!

Stimpy: Okay.... [Ren sees the mirror, Ren's mirror looks so old, Ren screams.]

Ren: I can't stand it! No no no! Take it away! [sobs] My youth is gone. [looks at Stimpy] What are you looking at!? This is your fault! [Ren slowly punches at Stimpy, Ren's arms was flattened and Stimpy looks at Ren's hand was flattened. Ren sobs.]

Ren: I need to all about.. Stimpy. [sobbing] I have to face facts. It's time for me to retire for grand... [Ren will pulling his teeth and looks at the teeth. Ren will let Ren's teeth falls down to the cup.] Infinity. [Fades to black, Ren and Stimpy are on the birthday table.]

Stimpy: Come on, Ol' friend. Open up the hanger! Here comes the blue airplane! Mrrrooooww! Dadadadadada! Pilot to bombardier! Pilot to bombardier! Prepare to open bomb bay doors! Mrrroooowww! DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BOW!

Ren: [gasps] Take... Take cover! [Stimpy puts the oatmeal in Ren's mouth] Look out, sniper fire! [Stimpy puts the oatmeal in Ren's mouth again. Ren puts the bowl on his head] Red alert! We're surrounded by krauts! AKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! How do ya like them apples, ya lousy rot- [Ren barfs the oatmeal at Stimpy, Ren burps, looks at Stimpy. Ren chuckles] That's funny. You look like the Kai... the Kai... [Ren imagines the Stimpy as the Kaiser] Yes! You are the Kaiser! You one horned devil YOU! SO! It's up to me to save the free world is it? This is for the boys who didn't make it! For Manny... Moe... and Jack!!!!!

Stimpy: Now Ren, you know it's not polite to choke.

Ren: Go ahead, man! Right here... finish it... a bullet in the brain!!!

Stimpy: [comforts Ren] There there, Old paint. You don't wanna over tire yourself again. [Cuts to bed] Besides, it's 6 pm. Way past your bedtime. It's time for all good little geezers to go beddy-bye. [kisses Ren]

[Stimpy walks off, Fades to black, Fades to Golf Club.]

Stimpy: Now Ren, what you need is fresh air and exercise. You know, Golf is a great old man game, Ren. Watch me! I'll show ya how. OLLY OLLY ACTION FEEE! [Stimpy slugs at Ren and Ren faints and gets up and Stimpy slugs at Ren again.]

Haggis: [humming, Hit the golfball by Haggis, drops on the ground.]

Stimpy: I line prive! Here, you try it, Ren. [Ren gives a golf swinger. Stimpy runs offscreen.]

Haggis: [pants heavily, happy] Say. There's a nice we clubby ya got there, Grampa. Ay, but they can play a proper round of Golf. We only want club. I'll tell ya what. You gonna have all my clubs. [Haggis will drops Golf Swinger on Ren's Mouth] There ya go! Goodbye now. [Haggis walks off]

Ren: Goodbye.

Stimpy: [in Deleted scene] Well, Ren, what did I tell you? Isn't golf the coolest? And the best part is, we still got seventeen more olds to go. [Fades to black, Fades to Ren sitting the grass and Stimpy are playing golf.] GEERAN-DOM-BOH!!! [dashs off, Ren sees the sky]

Ren: Wow! It's the most beautiful, peaceful surine place, I've ever seen! It's also clear to me now! This is where I belong! What do you think, buddy? [Devil was hanging out with Ren.]

Devil: I'm with you, pal. [Fades to cemetery center and camera moves to Mortuary.]

[Ren and Stimpy come on the Mortuary.]

Salesman: And what can we do for you, Mr. Hoek?


Stimpy: Mr. Hoek would like to be fit for a clothing, please. [smiles]

Salesman: Oh! Splendid! And just how much money are we spending of our nearly departed Mr. Hoek? HMMMMM? [smiles]

Stimpy: Five bucks! [Salesman smile disappears and gets grumpy. Salesman gives 5 bucks.]

Salesman: I'll get my cell segment, Mr. Kowalski. To exist you. Oh, Mr. Kowalski, Meeeet! [Kowalski stops by Ren and Stimpy] Show him my atomic our five dollars special. [Kowalski grabs Ren] First, we rolled up by the newspaper. [Kowalski rolls our newspaper] And shock you for the speeding car.

Stimpy: I think we want something a little more traditional.

Salesman: Mmm-hmm? Mmm-hmm? I understand perfectly. Our cheapest coughin' in your Kowalski. [Kowalski puts Ren on the almond opener. Kowalski was thinking and gets an idea, Kowalski was pushing hardly at Ren and goes in the almond opener.]

Stimpy: Say Ren, that was mighty cozy! [Ren punches Stimpy]

Salesman: Well, Mr. Hoek?

Ren: You... Don't you know who I am!? I'm Ren Hoek! [Ren slams the staff at Salesman's head] How can I get a big shot!? Give me the best you've got!

Salesman: Okay okay. Show him, Mr. Kowalski. I'll give you the intermo Brand deluxe, 3000! [The sign says "Diein Style".] Just because you're dead doesn't being you kept live like a king.]

Ren: WOW!

Salesman: Forgive Mr. Hoek exclusive look. Mr. Kowalski. [Kowalski grabs Ren and Ren looks at the cemetery room.]

Ren: Man oh man, It's beautiful.

Salesman: It's got all the comforts of home. Sensive layer, the cable TV, to cosy, Stereo high five norks.

Ren: I'll take it! [Salesman wave the hands on Ren's hand, Fades to Cemetery. Haggis was playing organs. Two strong mens was crying. So the Skinny man with crazy dog and so does Mr. Hoek and screen are moving at Salesman and Stimpy.]

Wilbur Cobb: Hey hey! Quit shovels! I-I know where I'm going. Just a people run. Where are they miserable... and DON'T MAKE ME COME AFTER YOU, YA PUNK!!! Beat to punch like him from breakfast. Now wh-wh-wh-What do we have here? Alright, let's get this shining STARTED! Now who's to gave it away this beautiful young lady. [Stimpy sobbing, bawling and blows his nose with his tissue.] Rain in October? Ahhh, marriage, now you take my wife for instants. [Kowalski pokes the Wilbur Cobb's Back] Huh? What? [Kowalski whispers to Wilbur Cobb] Ooh! WHAT!? Dead? DEAD?!? OOOH! Somebody's DEAD! [laughs and coughs] Oh my lord, wh-wh, Oh, what a silly little mess-up. Death, A subject I'M familiar with! Planet every last friend I had. I LEFT OF ALL!!! [laughs and coughs]

Stimpy: REN! REN!! I can't go on without you! Don't go! [sobs]

Ren: SHUT UP!!! I can't hear myself DIE!

Stimpy: Please let me buried the life with you!

Ren: I don't know, Ohh alright. [Stimpy was excited] Get together of this long.

Stimpy: JOY!! Just let me get a few things.

Ren: Okay but make it quick snappy. Don't let the water to the cruisey running. [Stimpy was put the few stuffs and stomps down the cemetery center and goes down. Fades to Ren Hoek Statue and says "Here Lies Ren Hoek. I'll thank you not to drag your butt on my grave!", Salesman and Kowalski was dragging the floor on his butt. Cuts to cemetery center, Stimpy was baking chicken and Ren is reading magazine.]

Ren: Stimpy, see who that is.. and no more salesmen! [Stimpy opens the door.]

Worm: Hi, ya neighbor. What worms the name. Did I dropped by dinner. Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Ren: Wha!?

Worm: I like to know, my neighbors. Really dead inside them. I guess you're out with weeks some take. Heh-heh-heh-heh. [Fades to Worm. It's all stuffed on for eating Ren and Stimpy brain and skeleton.] Boy, you guys has been great. [burps] Well, gotta go. Places to see, people eat. Heh-heh-heh-heh. See ya later! [slugs off]

Stimpy: Such a nice worm.

Ren: Sh-sh-sh.. Shut up.

[The iris was closing completely at the end of the episode.]

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