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Episode: Powdered Toast Man
Powdered Toast Man

[The episode begins with Powdered Toast Man standing on a cliff.]

Narrator: Who is this stranger from another land? Why does he walk among mortal men? What IS his mission? Where can we get undershorts like his? Who is this man of toast?! And... what does he want from us?! What is his dark secret?!

Powdered Toast Man: SHUT UP! If you ask me one more stupid question, I'll tear your skin off!

[Fade to the office. Powdered Toast Man is wearing horn-rimmed glasses and is on a typewriter.]

Narrator: Disguised as Pastor Toast Man, the cool youth deacon, Powdered Toast Man works his day job as a government clerk. (quietly) Only Powdered Toast Man's faithful assistant knows his dark secret.

Powdered Toast Man's Assistant: Ahem. Excuse me, father, but there's a distress call on your Toastomnitron communicator.

Powdered Toast Man: Thank you, my lovely assistant. [takes the glasses off] Will evil never rest? I hope not.

Toastomnitron Caller: Calling Powdered Toast Man! Please respond. Come in, Powdered Toast Man! [Powdered Toast Man sticks his head in the Toastomnitron.]

Powdered Toast Man: Powdered Toast Man here. Mmm-hmm? Mmm-hmm. Cripes! I'll get right on it! Leave everything to me! [Powdered Toast man sticks his head further into the Toastomnitron and then pops out of it. He then flies into the sky backwards.] POWDERED... TOAST... MAAANNN!

Narrator: And so, Powdered Toast Man is off for another day of heroic adventure! [Powdered Toast Man looks down below.]

Powdered Toast Man: (surprised) Jimminy! [Cuts to a cat walking onto the street. All of a sudden, a truck horn is heard as the cat looks towards the truck.]

Narrator: Instinctively, Powdered Toast Man ASSESSES THE SITUATION!

Powdered Toast Man: Leave everything to me! [looks around and gets an idea] This calls for my projectile raisin breath! [He inhales, and spits out raisins at an oncoming airplane. This causes the plane to crash into the truck, yet neither of them end up harming the cat.] POWDERED... TOAST... MAAANNN![Powdered Toast Man flies in, grabs the cat, and hears a crowd cheering underneath the crash.] Ha ha ha! [Suddenly, his underwear inflates and deflates repeatedly.] It's another distress call! No time to lose. [throws the cat away, where it eventually does get ran over] POWDERED... TOAST... MAAANNN! [Powdered Toast Man flies upside-down in addition to facing backwards into the Antarctica and lands in front of a house. Powdered Toast Man looks inside the window.] Danger! [The Pope is seen all tied up to an explosive barrel which has a lit fuse. A villainous Muddy Mudskipper evilly laughs.] Don't make me come in there. [Powdered toast enters through the keyhole. Eventually, Powdered Toast Man appears.] POWDERED... TOAST... MAAANNN!

The Pope: Hey, I'm saved!

Powdered Toast Man: Leave everything to me! [Muddy Mudskipper growls] Have a taste of my hyper-corrosive croutons, arch-villain! [Crust is fired out of his armpit at a screaming Muddy Mudskipper.] Hold on, buddy. You'll be free in a jiffy. [Powdered Toast Man unties the Pope and walks offscreen.]

The Pope: But Powdered Toast Man, what about Muddy Mudskipper?

Powdered Toast Man: Hmmm... I guess you're right. How thoughtless of me. [Powdered Toast Man slowly reaches towards the joyous Muddy Mudskipper in a heavenly way and grabs him. When it seems like Powdered Toast Man is about to fly off, he suddenly ties Muddy Mudskipper to the same explosive barrel, with its fuse still ignited. Powdered Toast Man flies off facing backwards.] POWDERED... TOAST... MAAANNN! [Muddy Mudskipper laughs maniacally. The house later explodes off-screen as rubble is sent into the air.]

The Pope: Can't... hold on! Wind intensity... too strong!

Powdered Toast Man: Quick, man! Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!

The Pope: Both of them? [The Pope latches onto Powdered Toast Man's buttocks. Powdered Toast Man suddenly hears a phone call.]

Powdered Toast Man: Another distress call. [Powdered Toast Man reaches his tongue out, revealing a phone built into it.]

Distress Caller: Calling Powdered Toast Man! Come in! Calling Powdered Toast Man!

Powdered Toast Man: Yes? Yes? Leave everything to me! [Powdered Toast Man's tongue put back on his mouth] Listen, something's come up. [Powdered Toast Man puts The Pope on a mountain.] Sorry Mac, but I've got to attend to something REALLY important. [Powdered Toast Man flies backwards into a tree house and appears inside.] POWDERED... TOAST... MAAANNN! Hello fellas. What seems to be the trouble?

Ren and Stimpy: (in unison) We're all out of powdered toast!

Powdered Toast Man: Leave everything to me! [Powdered Toast Man puts his second head down and starts scraping powdered toast off it. Ren and Stimpy are happy after seeing that their bread now has powdered toast. Powdered Toast Man winks and flies off. Ren and Stimpy start eating their toast, but slowly stop eating it as they both notice it tastes off. Powdered Toast Man re-appears.] I'm sorry, fellas. I almost forgot. [Powdered Toast Man farts on the toast before taking off once more. Ren and Stimpy tries to eat the toast and are now satisfied with how it tastes. Fade to Powdered Toast Man in the sky. Suddenly, Powdered Toast Man's toast dwindles away.] My toast particles are dissipating! That can only mean one thing. A call from Washington. [Fade to the White House. Powdered Toast Man zooms into the White House and into the men's bathroom. Powdered Toast Man appears.] POWDERED... TOAST... MAAANNN! (salutes) Mr. President, what seems to be the trouble?

President: I'm caught in my own zipper! [Powdered Toast Man smirks, yet is disappointed.]

Powdered Toast Man: Hee hee hee, leave everything to me. [Powdered Toast Man is now seen with a long string reaching from the President's zipper to a door.] Any time you're ready, Mr. President.

President: Okay. PULL! [Powdered Toast Man slams the door and zipper.] YOW! Ugh... [The President faints. Powdered Toast Man looks at the President.] OH, THANK YOU, POWDERED TOAST MAN!

Narrator: And thus, president goes into recovery! But what shall happen to America? Who will run the country?

Powdered Toast Man: Leave everything to me! [Powdered Toast Man is seen with a government official.]

Narrator: And Powdered Toast Man is sworn into office.

Powdered Toast Man: [being sworn in as President] I, Powdered Toast Man, do solemnly swear to relieve the American citizens of their basic human rights. [He waves his hand and a crowd starts cheering. Fade to Powdered Toast Man's office, where his assistant writes up a paper.] Lovely assistant, take a letter. The letter 'M'. Furthermore, let's hold off the talks to the Kremlin until we settle the new Three Stooges stamp controversy. Personally, my vote goes with Shemp. Although, Curly is nothing to take likely. [The assistant finishes writing.] And that'll be all, faithful one. Well, I guess that takes care of the day's business. Man, this job is too cushy for me. [The wind blows. Powdered Toast Man shivers.] Brrr, it's chilly in here. Ah, here's the problem. The fire's died down. Let's see... hmm, we need something dry here. [gets an idea] Here's some dusty old papers. [Powdered Toast Man blows the dust off of said papers, revealing them to be the Bill of Rights and the Constitution. Powdered Toast Man folds them up and tosses them into the fire.] Ah, that's much better. [Powdered Toast Man and his assistant hold their hands up to the fire. Powdered Toast Man holds up a sausage, with his assistant doing the same with a melting marshmallow.]

Narrator: The end!

[Iris out on the sausage and marshmallow.]

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