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Episode: Marooned
Marooned

[Open to a shot of Stimpy reads the TV guide]

Stimpy: Oh, joy! [He grabs Ren and drags him over to see the TV guide] Hey Ren, its "Commander Hoek and Stimpy"! [He rolls the TV guide back and forth on Ren's head] Happy happy happy! Joy joy joy! [He pushes Ren down] My favorite live-action drama!

[Stimpy gets up and dashes offscreen. Ren weakly sits up wearing the crumpled TV guide on his head.]

Stimpy: Don't let it start! Don't let it start!

[Stimpy returns dressed in a Cadet Stimpy outfit and space helmet. He salutes Ren.]

Stimpy: Roger. A-OK. Activate-

Announcer: [offscreen] All systems go!

[Stimpy was happy and the top of his helmet glows. He and Ren turn toward the TV, where spirals emanate out of it. On the TV screen, a rocket is shown about to launch.]

Announcer: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two one! [The rocket takes off and flies into outer space] Blast off to adventure in the amazing year four hundred billion, with Commander Hoek and his faithful companion, Cadet Stimpy! [Inside the rocket, Ren and Stimpy are wearing space suits and helmets and strapped into their chairs. The rocket zooms through outer space] As they roam the endless uncharted regions of space at speeds so fantastic, they throttle the imagination!

Ren: Prepare to surge to sublight speed.

[A button on the control panel that reads "Start Sublight Drive" is pressed. An alarm goes off while the rocket begins to shake and lights from the machines flash. Ren and Stimpy tightly grip the handles of their chairs, bracing themselves.]

Ren: En...gage.

[The rocket instantly accelerates. Ren and Stimpy scream in terror like little girls.]

Ren & Stimpy: AAAAAAAAAH!!! AAH! AAH! AAAAAAAAH!!!

[They keep screaming as the rocket flies through a spiral. Then Ren and Stimpy march past an American flag background, and then stand on the cliff of another planet as they salute the USA earth.]

Announcer: Yes, join us as Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy probe the spaceways in the name of interplanetary justice! These selfless men are dedicated to ensuring the freedom of Americans yet to be born!

[Ren and Stimpy watch TV inside the rocket. Static appears on the circular screen, then an Indiantest pattern appears.]

Announcer: Okay, space cadets! Prepare to hurtle through the cosmos in today's turgid episode!

[The picture on the TV is replaced by the title screen for "Marooned".]

[The camera slides to outer space, with their rocket speeding uncontrollably though space. Cadet Stimpy and Commander Hoek are trying to control the rocket, but are unable to. Layers of the rocket's exterior peel off, and Ren and Stimpy brace themselves as the rocket hurtles toward a planet, and then it crash lands. Ren and Stimpy get out of the totaled rocket.]

Ren: Man, it's a good thing that planet was there or we never would have stopped.

[Ren and Stimpy swipe dust off.]

Ren: We'd better call space command. [puts on caller head and Stimpy has a transitional and turns it] Calling space command, come in, do you read?

[The speaker was on, transitional was turning.]

Mr. Horse [speaker]: No sir, I don't like it.

Speaker: Aw, cripes!

Ren: Well, that's it. Our space time disrupter is melted. So we can't leave on our own power, and it could be centuries before another ship violates this sector. We are marooned! 

Stimpy: Just like the title of this cartoon!

Ren: [growls, he slaps at Stimpy and thinking] Well, there's no use crying over spilled mitochondria. I'm afraid this is a test of survival.

Stimpy: Survival? Science officer Stimpy to the rescue! [Stimpy was grabbing the space manual] Look, captain, I brought my trusty space cadet handbook. It tells you everything you need to know about survival.

Ren: The space cadet handbook. Of course! Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance astounds me.

Stimpy: Uhh, They don't call me stupid for nothing. So, uh, let's scout around.

Ren: You fool! We can't just wander around like eediots! We'd better see what the prime directive says about alien worlds.

Stimpy: [searching for space cadet handbook and look at the handbook] The prime directive! It says to scout around.

Ren: Great, let's go!

[Ren was walking offscreen, Stimpy pull the pants way up and tops up and walking offscreen. Ren and Stimpy was looking for the strangest forest woods and planets, Ren and Stimpy was walking to see the forest eyes and edges and spider webs and walks offscreen. Fades to Ren and Stimpy.]

Ren: Man, we've been scouting for weeks. I am served. What are we gonna do about food? Hey, get the space cadet handbook.

Stimpy: I can do it. [searching for space cadet handbook and look at the handbook] Joy! [Stimpy was about to eat the handbook, Ren stops at Stimpy.]

Ren: Read it, numbskull, don't eat it! [Stimpy was searching the handbook] Well, what does it say?

Stimpy: It says we better perform some test before eating any indigenous flora. [Ren was pointing to the left, Stimpy was searching for it and look around] Well, I'll be. [searching a frog, frog looks at the viewers]

Ren: Well, did you find anything out?

Stimpy: Did I? You bet! This thing makes the coolest noises.

[Ren looks at the thing and the wire drools out, Ren looks at Stimpy, Ren push down to Stimpy's hand smiley, Ren will come to Stimpy, Stimpy was come and Ren grabs Stimpy's nose, he pulls up and smacks Stimpy like a rubber thingy.]

Ren: Stimpy, where's my dinner? [Stimpy has the dinner led] What are we having?

Stimpy: [offscreen] Space cabbage.

Ren: Is it stinky?

Stimpy: [offscreen] Just how you like it. WHOO-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-WHOO!

[Ren was happy at the viewers, Ren was opening the led and saw a space cabbage.]

Ren: Now that's what I call a head of cabbage. Stimpy, my boy, I misjudged you. You're okay in my book.

[Ren was about to eat the space cabbage, Space Cabbage ferociously roars at Ren and bites at Ren.]

Ren: YE-OUCH!

[Ren was angry at Stimpy, he slaps repeatedly at Stimpy. Fades to black and fades to the tent, Ren and Stimpy are in the tent.]

Ren: [yawns] Good night, Stimpy.

Stimpy: Good night, Ren.

[Ren and Stimpy was sleeping on the tent, the light is shining at Stimpy, Stimpy was wondering about what it is. Stimpy opens the tent.]

Stimpy: OH MY! Hey, Ren, wake up! The moon is out, come see it. Aw, come on, Ren, wake up and see the moon. [Ren was slightly open his eyes] It's beautiful.

Ren: Are you nuts? WHAT? I was just dozing off. Alright, alright, where's the moon? [Ren was wondering what it is, Ren thuds.] YE-OUCH! [Ren sees the bright moon. Ren has a moon head] That oughta stop your hijinks. [Stimpy was all tied up.]

[Cuts to later at the tent, with Ren and Stimpy sleeping. There is a knock at the flap.]

Ren: Hey, Stimpy, go answer the flap. [Stimpy is too busy sleeping, so Ren gets up and opens the tent] Who the he-- [Hearts appear in his eyes and he screams happily, for there is a realistically-drawn anthropomorphic female chihuahua.]

Ms. Chihuahua: Hello... can you spare a cup of protoplasm, huh? [holds up a teacup]

[Stimpy looks out, and hearts appear in his eyes as well.]

Stimpy: EEEE!

[In place of the female chihuahua, Stimpy sees a large bag of cat litter. Ren hugs and seduces the bag.]

Ren: Oh baby... I looohve you!

[Stimpy thinks a bit, and realizes they must be hallucinating. Indeed, from Ren's view, the "female chihuahua" transforms back into an alien tentacle that they've been hallucinating as the object of their affections, and grabs Ren as he comes out of it.]

Ren: What!? HELP! Let me go! [Ren struggles to escape the tentacle]

Stimpy: Ren! I'll save ya!

[Stimpy tries to pull Ren out of the tentacle, but it's too late, as it grabs both Ren and Stimpy. The tentacle sucks itself into the mouth of a giant brain-like alien. It and an identical alien stare at Ren and Stimpy a bit, and then the first alien releases them into a funnel-like opening on top of the second alien's head. Ren and Stimpy fall and then land inside the alien's head, very scared.]

Stimpy: Oh, captain Hoek, what ever shall we do?

Ren: The book, Stimpy, the book!

Stimpy: The book? The book! Yes, the book! [Stimpy flips through the book]

Ren: Well, what's it say?

Stimpy: It says, we're doomed.

Ren: Give me that! [Ren grabs the handbook, looks through it and grins evilly at the viewers. Then he cackles wildly, slapping Stimpy with the handbook, all the while menacing living bacterial creatures advance on the two, Fades to black at the end of the episode.]

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