Episode: Hermit Ren
[The episode begins at the Cowhouse, Stimpy is playing an accordion.]
Stimpy: [singing] Someone's dying my lord! Kumbaya! Someone's dying my lord! A Kumbaya. [plays faster then normal] Oh lord! Someone's dying my lord! Kumbaya. [Taxi cab stops offscreen]
Ren: [offscreen] Why don't you look where you going, you FOOL?!? [shuts the cab offscreen] Hey lady, GET THAT DOG OFF OF MY LAWN! [kicks the dog and opens the door onscreen, the glass from a picture breaks and he pants, he's bored and looks at Stimpy.]
Stimpy: [singing] Someone's a la laaa! Jambalaya! [plays faster then normal, Stimpy hums. Ren's eye twitches and then looks tired] A la la laaa! La la laaaa! [plays faster then normal] Ma ma maaa! [normal voice] Ren, you're home! Did ya have a nice day at work? [Ren's back has a knife and paper that says "Kick me" and he has a Pink slip in his hand] Your dinner's in the-
Ren: I'll, get it myself. [walks off, Stimpy don't know the answer, he continues playing the accordion and walks off. Ren opens the oven and burnt chicken appeared. He eats it and his mouth gets caught on fire and starts screaming. Stimpy was very shocked, He grabs the rotten milk and pours it into a glass.] Hurry up, man!
Stimpy: Duh, I'm coming, Ren! [Ren drinks the rotten milk. Fully shocked, he spits out all the rotten milk.]
Ren: [disgusting, points to Stimpy] YOU stay away from me! I... just... want to be... ALOOOOOOONE! [runs offscreen. Stimpy looks at the rotten milk and drinks it. Ren is in the dirty bathroom.] That's what I need is a good shave. [Ren was looking for a razor. Ren was mad and his face turns red as steam. Stimpy was hammering the picture.] [offscreen] Where's my RAZOR?!?!? [Stimpy looks at the sharpen razor.]
Stimpy: Here, Ren! [Ren grabs the sharpen razor and shuts the door. Ren scars the sharpen razor on his chin and screams in pain. Ren opens the door and it has a skeleton on his chin.]
Ren: Why you... [steps the accordion in shock. He tries to get it off. Ren looks at the TV, then looked at the phone ringing, and looked at Stimpy picking his nose.]
Stimpy: Duhhhh...
Ren: [furiously] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I can't take anymore! I've had it with YOU! You and the whole world! I'm going... when I can be... ALONE... ONCE and for all, and I'M NEVER, COMING BACK!!!! [slams the door. Stimpy looks at the door. The door opened, Ren's hand throws the accordion into Stimpy's mouth. Ren slams the door. Stimpy look at the viewers. Fades to the mountain with Salesman (as the Hermit Union Worker) and Ren.]
Salesman: Now to be a perfectional hermit, Mr. Hoek. You need your very own private cave!
Ren: Wow!
Salesman: Now, remember the Hermit Union Rules. No sunlight... [Ren nods "yes".] No bathing... [Ren nods "yes".] And absolutely... NO FRIENDS! [Salesman pets Ren]
Ren: Absolutely no problem with that, chief. Now if you don't mind, I'll be checking in. See ya, ever again. [walks to the private cave.]
Salesman: Heh-heh. Enjoy... [press the button] Loser. [closes the cave, Fades to inside the hermit cave with Ren]
Ren: [sighs] Alone at last. [walks] No more annoyances, just peace and solitude. And best of all.... [echoing] NO STIMPYYY!!! [normal voice] Yep, doesn't get any better to this. Just a little bit refreshment of furniture and... HUH? [Ren looks at Mummified Bog Man] A Mummified Bog Man! [picks up the Bog Man] Wow! Someone to talk to who can't talk back! [Bog Man falls down] Whoops. [chuckles, picks up the Bog Man] Well, Buddy, now that I'm finally alone, I'm gonna do all the things, I always want it to do. Like writing a novel. Clip my toenails. Build a gelding gin and I'm gonna scrape my uvula. Listen to our freaking franklin records and do it- [Fades to Cowhouse, Stimpy are on the kitchen.]
Stimpy: Duhhh... Duh, I wonder when Ren's coming home. He's gonna miss his dinner. [Stimpy has a burnt accordion and walks offscreen] Duhhh... [Fades to the next month or the next or the next or the next or the next after that, and after that, This month was on January. The winter was a snowy day. Ren was put the rock up to the tower of rocks. Ren was stranded, and do nothing. It's got tic-tac-toes and sign says "Home sweet home". They got all the tower rocks. Ren stomach growling, Ren sighs and walks offscreen.]
Ren: I should go find some food. Hold the fort while I'm gone. [walks and stomps on mud and looks at the Bats.]
Bat: Man, that coffee works.
[Ren was imagining a bats turns to cow. Ren was drooling happily, Ren pulls the bat. The bat pulls off on Ren's hand and slaps Ren.]
Bat: What are you think you're DOING?!? I'm a MAN, not a cow! [Ren was dizzy. Ren gets up and imagines coaf into Oldman Farmer Hoek.]
Ren: Oldman Farmer Hoek. Oh father, I'm starving! What should I do?
Oldman Farmer Hoek: Don't be a darn weak often, Boy! We Hoek exclaimation us dinner or stuff. Why, would you love one is a natural born scavenger!
Ren: Yes?
Oldman Farmer Hoek: Look around you, man! There's a wealth of sustenance before you. Spores. Lichen with fun guide to you. Entire herds on fleas, ticks and chiggers to raise and ranch. Why, YOU can live like a king! [Ren was screeches happily like a monkey, Ren pull the Sporl out and Ren bites on Sporl fourth times and starts chewing it.] Well, son, Gotta go! [chuckles] You didn't have any sense. [disappears]
[Fades to Cowhouse, Stimpy was making ear germ to Ren Hoek. Stimpy tearing up and thinking, and Stimpy puts the spoon on his ear and pulls out the ear's germ and put on Ren, Stimpy kisses and hugs him, Stimpy sighs. Fades that night on Mountain, Ren was still stranded. No food and no water. Ticks are going out Ren's mouth and looks up when raindrops by. Ren was raising the hands and hands are melting and he made the skeleton hand. Ren looks at Mummified Bog Man and Ren shocked at Ren's face on Bog Man's body. Ren was frightened and he starts running and smash on mud and Ren was stopped by Mud.]
Bat: Man, gonna lay off that chili con carne!
Ren: Need... some... real.. [throws the mud away] COMPANY! Huh? [Stimpy as the mud and Ren hugs Stimpy.] Oh at last, you're a real friend.
Bog Man: What a bunch of mush. [Ren looks at Bog Man] That's right. You heard me. [Ren rubs his eyes] What are ya playing with dirt for?
Ren: I just wanted some company.
Bog Man: But, you're the own guest company.
Ren: ME?
Bog Man: That's right. YOU and your feelings. BEHOLD! Anger.... Fear... and Ignorance.
Ren's Ignorance: Duhhhh...
Ren: WOW! COMPANY! Let's have a party! [Ignorance, Fear, Anger and Ren are playing BlackJack.] Hey, how about the game of BlackJack!
Ren's Anger: I hate games.
Ren's Fear: Call 911!
Ren's Ignorance: Duhh, I want a pretzel.
Ren: Come on, guys. You'll have fun.
Ren's Anger: I hate fun!
Ren's Fear: This is gonna hurt!
Ren's Ignorance: Duhh, go fish!
Ren: Guys?!? [Ren's Ignorance eats cards.] HEY! You're trying to CHEAT!
Ren's Anger: Yeah! Your whole life's a cheat! [Ren shivers]
Ren's Fear: He's a cheat! [Ren looks at the eyes]
Ren's Ignorance: Did somebody say cheese? [burps offscreen, Ren covers his ears and the teeth chatters, hearing the people saying "CHEAT!"]
Ren: [stands up and yells loudly] STOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!! [lifts off his table] Who... Who are you? You're not my friends! You're just pretending to be TRICK ME! So you steal all my stuff! Well, I'm on to ya! [looks at Bog Man and rips the Bog Man's off.] One false move and the MUMMY GETS IT!! I know all about your PLOT... you're all in this together.... [waves his Bog Man's head and start aiming the imaginary friends.] Each and every one of you. Sleeping on my gravel BED! Eatin' all my SAAAAAAND! Well, here's something you can REALLY have! HI-YA!!! [Ren smashes the Bog Man repeatedly on the cove and shakes the screen. Ren stops and looks at Jasper dressed up as Hermit Union Leader.]
Ren's Anger: Oh no! The Hermit Union Leader!
Jasper: Alright, this is a bust! YOU! [points to Ren] You broken the cardinal rule of Hermitude. Companionship. And what's with all these imaginary friends! You're violating the law. EXPOSED! YOU are officially kicked out of the Hermit Union!! [Fades to outside, Jasper ripped his beard off Ren. Jasper salutes Ren, Ren carrying mud Stimpy and walking to home. Jasper salutes, Ren's anger, fear and Ignorance salutes as well, Mummified Bog Man salutes too, Oldman Farmer Hoek salutes and Salesman salutes too and even bats salutes as well. Fades to Cowhouse, Ren looks at Cowhouse and he opens it.]
Stimpy: Giddyup, horsey! Giddyup! [Ren looks at Stimpy dressed up as a lady with Mud Ren.] Ren! You're back! [smiles]
Ren: So, I turned my back for 10 years and you found yourself another chihuahua! [Stimpy was sad and gets an idea]
Stimpy: Ahem! But, Ren. [Ren looks at Mud Stimpy]
Ren: Oh. [chuckles] Sure. Well, it's great to be back, BUDDY! [Ren hugs Stimpy, Mud Ren and Mud Stimpy was winking at the viewers smiley and hugs together. The two iris was closing completely at the end of the episode.]