"Hard Times for Haggis" is the thirteenth episode of the third season of The Ren & Stimpy Show, and aired on April 30, 1994.
- Ren Höek
- Muddy Mudskipper (cameo)
- Sven Hoek (cameo)
- Mrs. Buttloaves (cameo)
- Yak (cameo)
- Kowalski (cameo)
- Haggis MacHaggis
- Fire Chief
Haggis MacHaggis is forced out of his home after his cartoon show is eclipsed by the exceedingly more popular Ren & Stimpy Show. Alone in the streets, Haggis seeks out his fans to help him. Instead, he discovers a crowd of people watching the Ren & Stimpy Show whom violently reject him. A starving Haggis poses as a pigeon in order to obtain seeds from an old woman. Unfortunately, the other pigeons are less than happy about the extra eater and force him to spit out his meal. The group of pigeons and the old lady proceed to attack Haggis.
Later, Haggis is walking down the street and stops to look in the window of an antiques shop. In the window, he sees a stuffed doll of himself, on which the price has been slashed repeatedly. A person, their identity cloaked in a coat and hat, rushes into the store and buys the doll. Haggis, assuming that this person is a fan, follows them into an alleyway and watches from a hiding place. His "fan" turns out to be his dog, Whacky.
Haggis is overjoyed at first, but then Whacky begins violently destroying the stuffed doll as revenge against his former master for always getting whacked in the head on TV. Haggis flees when the canine notices him, and goes to a bridge. He is just about to end his life by leaping into the water, when he's hit in the face by a flyer advertising a service called "Rent-A-Thug". Seeking vengeance, Haggis rents two thugs from the agency and drives to the set of the Ren & Stimpy Show.
Haggis has Ren and Stimpy tied up backstage, while his thugs begin sabotaging the show. The thugs use puppets pretending to be Ren and Stimpy or Ben and Stumpy they were called. When the curtain goes up, they do a horrible show that is meant to ruin them. Instead, the puppets are praised as the real Ren and Stimpy are fired and replaced with Ben and Stumpy. The two of them, plus Haggis, are tossed out of the studio. A limousine drives by with the thugs who are still using their Ben and Stumpy puppets inside with two beautiful females. The episode ends with the three of them at the dock, Ren and Stimpy eating glass while Haggis sobs and hits them over the head with his cane repeatedly.
- The man's mouth doesn't move when he first speaks to Haggis after crushing him with the door.
- When the bus runs over Haggis, the sign featuring Ren and Stimpy shows Ren in a cap and nightgown with Stimpy holding his hand. But, when Haggis crawls out from under the bus, Ren is wearing a pink dress and Stimpy's hand is on Ren's shoulder. However, before the bus zooms off the sign is back to how it was when it ran over Haggis.
- The sign is on the the blank side of the bus when it runs over Haggis, but when Haggis crawls out from under the bus, the sign is suddenly painted on the doors.
- When the clouds form Ren and Stimpy, Stimpy doesn't have his glove on.
- Whacky (while in his disguise) didn't need to pay for the Scotsman stuffed doll, because the antique shop reduced the price of the doll to free.
Hard Times For Haggis:
- Dorinda McClure – Dougie Pincock (title card)
- Blue Hills – Ronald Hanmer (opening)
- Longing For Home – David Bell (Haggis’s wall of accomplishments)
- Clock and Bass Suspense – Chris Reccardi [Original composition] & From the Cockpit – Garry Hardman (Haggis sits waiting for his show to start)
- Sunshine Patrol – Tom Elliot [OGM] (Haggis turns on the TV)
- Scotsman Show Theme – Chris Reccardi [Original composition] (The Scotsman titles)
- Showtime Fill (c) – Gary Kettel (“And here’s Haggis in this week’s episode…”)
- Big Show Theme – Robert Sharples (“The Scotsman Beats His Dog!”)
- Showtime (a) – Robert Sharples (Haggis laughs at his show)
- The Saucy Postcard – Richard Myhill (stupid butler)
- Black Swarm – Simon Benson (“Who’s the funniest cartoon on TV, huh?!”)
- Showtime Fill (b) – Gary Kettel (“Duh… Rodney and Boo-winky?”)
- Drama Link (b) – Hubert Clifford (The Scotsman is cancelled)
- Ren & Stimpy Theme (R&S on TV)
- News Flash – Sam Fonteyn (news program)
- Saw Theme – William Trytel (space program)
- Star Parade – Tony Kinsey (Stimpy advertising shaving cream)
- Symphony No. 6 Pastorale (4th Movement) – Ludwig Van Beethoven (Haggis yells)
- Weapons of War Link 1 – Richard Hill (“They’ll rue the day they crossed Haggis McHaggis!”)
- Conflict Link 1 – Richard Hill (Haggis runs down the stairs)
- Hawaiian Flower – Jon Jelmer (Ren & Stimpy appear at the mansion)
- Be Cool (b) – Benny Carter (salesman throws Haggis out)
- Disaster – Bruce Campbell (Haggis pounds on the front door)
- Fond Memories of Portree – David Bell (“Now you’ve gone and done it! You’ve made me cry!”)
- Radar Room – Sam Fonteyn (“I’ve got to think of a solution!”)
- Gay Time – Alan Perry (“I shall return!”)
- Haggis Walk – Chris Reccardi [Original composition] (Haggis walking into town, muttering angrily)
- Fly By Night – Montague Ewing (Haggis runs up to the crowd)
- Shock Horror (a) – Dick Walter (Haggis is shocked to see it’s Ren & Stimpy they’re watching)
- Panic Patrol – Kenny Graham (Haggis tries to cover the TVs)
- Fire (JB-28) – William Loose, Jack Cookerly [Capitol Records] (Haggis sees Ren and Stimpy everywhere)
- Sublime Ghost – William Loose, John Seely (Haggis sees Ren and Stimpy in the clouds)
- Poppin’ Around – Bruce Campbell (“Hey mister, look what I got!”)
- Largo Op.28 E-Minor – Frederic Chopin, Helmuth Brandenburg (Haggis walking in the park)
- Luck o’ the Irish – Richard Myhill (old lady feeding the birds)
- Valse Aux Champs-Elysees – Daniel Janin (Haggis eating the bird seed)
- Brutal B – Gerhard Trede (Haggis coughing up the bird seed)
- Valse Aux Champs-Elysees – Daniel Janin (Haggis is beat up)
- Divertimento No.2 In B-Flat Maj.Kv 439B-Menuetto – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Ren and Stimpy enjoying the mansion)
- The Four Seasons: Spring – Antonio Vivaldi (Ren and Stimpy at dinner)
- Latin Night Life – Erik Markman [OGM] (Haggis at the toy store window)
- Voodoo Victim – Gilbert Vinter (a mysterious person buys the Haggis doll)
- Smouldering Fury (a) – Trevor Duncan (mysterious person goes into the alley)
- Very End – Sam Fonteyn (the mysterious person is Whacky)
- Polovtsian Dances from Prince Igor – Alexander Borodin (memories)
- Poet and the Peasant Overture – Franz von Suppe (dog gets a crazed look)
- ? (close-up of Whacky’s eyes)
- Cataclysm – Maurice Jarre (Whacky beats up the doll)
- Dangerous (D), (C) – Mladen Franko (Haggis screams and runs into the street)
- Bridge Over Water – Chris Reccardi [Original composition] & Symphony No. 6 Pastorale (4th Movement) – Ludwig Van Beethoven (Haggis at the bridge)
- Erotic Nightmare – W. Merreck Farran (“I’ll just END IT ALL!”)
- Dramatic Mechanical Main Theme – Philip Green (wind blows)
- Catwalk – Kenny Graham (ad blows onto Haggis’s face)
- Gay Activity – Clive Richardson (“I’ll have me revenge at last!”)
- Workaday World – Jack Beaver (“They’ll be sorry!”)
- Commissioners – Gerhard Trede (Rent a Thug)
- Hit and Run – Ralph Dollimore (Haggis driving in the car with his thugs)
- Starlight Revue – Alan Braden (opening night of a new R&S episode)
- Hit and Run – Ralph Dollimore (Haggis enters the studio)
- Act One – Ib Glindemann [Capitol Records] (Ren and Stimpy getting make-up applied)
- Uppers and Downers (2) – Kenny Graham (Ren and Stimpy are beat up by the thugs)
- Stirring Drums of the Highlands – John Fox (everyone’s tied up)
- ? (Ben and Stumpy main titles)
- Country Music #1 – Dan Kirsten [OGM] (guitar music during Ben & Stumpy)
- Take a Bow 2 – David Lindup (end of show)
- It’s That Man Again – Michael North (show was a success)
- Goldfinger – Robert Mersey (“What are you doing here? I fired your butt!”)
- Romance at Midnight – Johnny Pearson (Ben and Stumpy in the limo)
- Showtime #6 – Neil Amsterdam [OGM] (Ren, Stimpy, and Haggis under a bridge)
Dog Water Commercial:
- Minuet in G – Ludwig Van Beethoven (opening)
- Alla Hornpipe-Water Music – George Frideric Handel (dog water introduced)
- Musette Madeleine – Roland Kovac (man pops the question)
- Valse Moderne – George Fenton, John Leach (couple drinks dog water)
- Alla Hornpipe-Water Music – George Frideric Handel (ending)
- Haggis MacHaggis has won six Academy Awards, but he also has a trophy.
- In the illustration on the Rent-A-Thug flyer, a man the thug is preparing to pummel is holding a bag with "IRS" printed on it.
- Ren is shown reading Chaucer.
- The Rent-A-Thug advertisement reads: Got problems? Rent-a-Thug. For That Dirty Job You Need Done Fast.
- Clips from previous episodes including "Stimpy's Invention" are shown on TVs in this episode.
- The gag with the pigeons was taken from the original pilot, "Big House Blues".
- According to the price tag, the Scotsman doll went from $29.99 to $5.00 to 25 cents before it became free.
- When Haggis first sees that the television screens in the store are showing Ren and Stimpy, the episode is "Space Madness". But when Haggis pushes himself against the glass to block the screens, the episode changes to "Stimpy's Invention".
- When the wind is blowing paper in at Haggis when he's about to commit suicide, a cow flies by.
- Haggis' idiot butler replied "Rodney and Bullwinky" after he asked a question on "Who's the funniest cartoon on TV?". "Rodney & Bullwinky" is probably a parody of Rocky & Bullwinkle from the Golden Age of Television in the late 1950's, created by Jay Ward.
- Sven makes a cameo appearance in the crowd that Haggis blocks (see below).
- Ren and Stimpy's other show, Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy, is on another channel, while their main show is on the channel where The Scotsman was before it recently got cancelled forever.
- In NickRewind reruns and on TV listings, it’s named “The Scotsman”.
- This is actually Haggis' second appearance, his debut was in the episode "Jerry the Bellybutton Elf".