Episode: Cheese Rush Days
[The episode begins at the Blue Mountain.]
Narrator: Many a tale has been told those hardy pioneers who struck it rich, out in the wild western frontier. The land wrought with beauty! [A pretty girl is shown.] Danger! [A bus runs over a cowboy.] And CHEESE! Yep, blue cheese. Big fat lumps of milky process cheese food. Just a-burstin' with shiny blue nuggets. Clogging up the arteries of the blue cheese mountains! While only the bravest of the brave would risk the perilous journey to plumb the riches of this fatherload. [Ren plays a banjo while riding on a wagon that Stimpy is pulling.] These daring souls will stop at nothing who reach the high country and the riches that await them. [Stimpy sighs in relief.]
Stimpy: Hey Ren, Looky over yonder! Someone- [Wagon drives off at Stimpy]
Ren: Why, it's the crusty ol' process factor. A toeing from it's clay. [Crusty was laughing.]
Crusty: There's cheese of us downhills! [laughs]
Ren: Yeah, yeah. So where are those cheese, buddy?
Crusty: Well sonny, just take the gander of my 24 carat solid teens pinky, Ren.
Ren: Wow!
Crusty: [laughs] SHOOT! That ain't nothing. Feast your eyes, bilden. [Crusty has a bellybutton ring too.]
Stimpy: Wow. [Crusty laughs]
Crusty: And look at my blue cheese tooth!
Ren: Glory Ice-key.
Crusty: And there's plenty more where that come from, sonny. [Dashes off laughing]
Ren: Did you hear that, Ol' concher? Just think, Stimpy. We're gonna be filthy stinkin' roldy RICH! [Ren and Stimpy imagines that both rich.] Well, here we are. A thousand miles from civilization. Surrounded by the mystic animals, poisonous snakes and blood-thirsty savages. Looks like a great campsite to me!
Stimpy: Great! I've got just the thing! Hey, no. Here it is. No. Yeah.
Ren: What are we gonna do with that?
Stimpy: You see Ren, Pioneers on the old west depended on the buffalo for all our survival needs. Such as clothing, fuel and even housing! Watch this! Go do it, crazy! [Buffalo eats the grass. Cuts to Stimpy] 5, ah 4, ah 3, 2, 1.. [Buffalo pops out and the sign says "BAM!" Buffalo's crap shaped like igloo.] Ta da! A buffalo chip Igloo.
Ren: Well, I'm impressed. [Fades to Ren wait to see dinner and Stimpy was set it up.]
Ren: What's for dinner? I'm starved.
Stimpy: More good things for Nature's bounty. Creme Chipped Buffalo chip on toast.
Ren: Are you expect me to eat THIS!?
Stimpy: Well sure Ren, there an excellent source of fiber. You'll get you regular.
Ren: I'm not eating no COW- [Stimpy covers Ren's mouth]
Stimpy: Not so loud, Ren. We don't dare complain about the food in these parts! They might hear us.
Ren: Who hear us?
Stimpy: Don't you realize? We're in the land of... Savage Fresh Chef's! [Ren slaps harder at Stimpy]
Ren: Savage Fresh Chef's. Do really believe those ol' wise tales? [Cactuses are turned into Chefs.] You godable wreckless GASBAG! [Ren and Stimpy saw a lot of chef's.] YIPE! We're surrounded! QUICK STIMPY, CIRCLE THE WAGON! [Stimpy are running around the circles. Ren and Stimpy are surrounded by Chefs. Fades to Ren and Stimpy are on the pot.]
Stimpy: This is great. I really need it in the bath. I was getting kind of stinky.
Ren: You bonehead. This isn't a bathtub. They're gonna make SOUP out of us!
Stimpy: Oh soup, eh? [Stimpy licks the soup] Chunky cat of vegetable. Oh boy. [Ren slaps Stimpy]
Ren: Shut up, I'm thinking. I've got it! All we gotta do is a... [whispers at Stimpy, Fades to Chef sniffs. Ren pops out.] HEY BUDDY, what kind of cheap joint are you on in here!? There's a dead cat in my soup!!! [Chef looks at Stimpy]
Chef: I'll get it immediately at once! [dashes off]
French man: Oh, mister.
Ren: Hey, Fancypants. I'm afraid the soup is a bit too rich for me. How about meat to go special instead?
French man: Ahh, but Of Course, mister.
Ren: Yeah yeah. I get it. Here! Our worry's are over.
Stimpy: Oh Ren, you're so worldly. [Fades to Stimpy licking his head. Cuts to Ren and Stimpy are burnt on the fire.] Mmmm, teriyaki.
Ren: Shut up. [Fades to the Valley of slow lingering death. Ren and Stimpy are dehydrated. It's getting hot outside. No food and no water. Ren sniffs. Ren looks at Stimpy.] Hey man, watch it with those trousers cops, I'm downwind.
Stimpy: It's not me, Ren. I'm too pooped to pooped.
Ren: Well, if it isn't you, and it was be... [gasps happily] STIMPY! GET UP! We made it!
Stimpy: JOY!!
Ren: At last! The Blue Cheese Mountains! [Fades to Ren digging his wall and Stimpy looks at the plate.] Oh man. I've got blisters on my blisters! [Stimpy eats the cheese and spits on his plate. Stimpy gots fish, teeth, worm and key but no gold nuggets.]
Stimpy: Nope. No nuggets. [Stimpy throws out. Ren sniffs]
Ren: YIPES! THAT SMELL! They might be... DEADLY CHEESE GAS!!! But there's only one way to know for sure. [Ren got the big bird] A canerian. For centuries, minders of depended the caneries that protects deadly gas. [Canarian sniffs]
Canarian: I don't smell anything. [Canarian flash the lights and explode. All the rock are falling out. Ren and Stimpy are eating cheese and rocks.]
Stimpy: EUREKA! The fatherload! Look Ren, we struck a vine! [Stimpy has a nuggets on his hat.] Hmmm.... Ahh! Look Ren, We're rich! Haltys, fifty-fifty split, just like we said. Huh? Huh?
Ren: Well, heh heh, Not exactly. Well buddy, this is all the parkways. You know, Survival of the greediest. It's the way the west was one. But don't feel too bad, pal. YOU'VE GOT ALL THE CHEESE YOU CAN EAT! [laughs]
Stimpy: But I... [Ren closes the brick.]
Ren: Look at all my lungly stinky moldy nuggets. I'm rich! [laughs] EEEE! [humming] [singing] Ohhh, doo dah day. [Canerian flick the lights with Stimpy.]
Stimpy: [sad] He took all our loot. [sniffs] He trapped us here to die. But, worst of all... HE TOOK MY COOL MINERS HAAAAAA-A-A-A-AAAAT!!!!!! [bawling, crying]
Crusty: Well, care my own grandmother. If you two has a pair of dumb specialments. My, my, my, what a fine pair of prospectors. A couple of bedfellas and pick up a first sign of a rain...
Canerian: [angry] SHUT UP! SHUT UP, I TELL YA! OUR I'LL BEAT YOUR HEAD OFF A CIGAR!
Stimpy: Ahh, don't listen to him, he's nuts.
Crusty: Nuts! Nuts, Am I? Why, you showed dumb, you can't even see the fortune is right underneath your cheesers. [laughs] [Canerian and Stimpy looks at the shiny big nugget. Stimpy and Canerian was so excited and gets rich. Fades to the Western. The screen moves to the Bank.]
Ren: I've got the bag of the blue stuff for ya.
Bank Reporter: Ohhh, splendid! Let's just have a little look see, shall we? HUH!?
Ren: Just give me what I got coming, I'll have something would do. [Bank Reporter throws the bag at Ren]
Bank Reporter: So you used to try the horn shruggle me?
Ren: WHA?
Bank Reporter: Why, this ain't nothing but Chef's fools cheese! [Blue nugget are having 2% low fat.] GET OUTTA HERE, YOU BUM! [Bank Reporter kicks out for Ren. Bank Reporter throws the bag back outside. Ren screams. Car drives off at Ren. Stimpy, Crusty and Canerian are on the money car. Crusty, Stimpy and Canerian smiles. The iris was stopping at Stimpy's teeth. The iris was closing completely that the teeth is sparkles up at the end of the episode.]