A Hard Day's Luck (transcript)

(animals making noise)
(sparkling)
Haggis:Oooohh, Marvin!
Marvin:Duh, yes Mr. Haggis sir?
Haggis:Uh, help me with my hair.
Marvin:Ah! (whimpering, tape rips) Ow!
Haggis:(slap, sliding) Oh, what I'd do for ma own locks.
Marvin:Duh here is your breakfast Mr. Haggis. It is your favorite.
Haggis:Oh boy! (cereal pouring, plastic pack thuds) Hmm..
(fly buzzing)
Marvin:Duh "Magic Leperachaun Charm. Just Add Water"! (spits)
(Deep rumbling, poof!)
Leperachuan:Top of the mornin' laddies! Say, nice palace ya got here sonny. You know what they say, "It's a dirty hand that makes a clean home".
Haggis:Ahh! It's a foreigner! Throw him out at once!
Leperachaun:Wait! But I'm a magic leperachaun! I can grant you anything you wish!
Haggis:Give me a flowin' mane of me own locks, right now!
Leperachuan:All right all right! I'll grant you your wish, but only if you can first pass a test..IF your man enough.
Haggis:Oh, yeah? I can pass any measly test! You got yourself a deal!
(Arm cracking, Marvin whimpering)
(Haggis and Leperachaun yell)

Part 2

Leperachaun:And now for the first test, baldy. Can ya keep your temper?
Haggis:Huh! What temper?
Marvin:Der, yeah! He is always mad!
Haggis:I..I..!
Leperachaun:If you fail, the big dumb houseboy is mine. Let's begin!(snaps finger)
Marvin:Click! (operatic record plays)
Leperachaun:Once upon a time, there was an ugly little Scotsman, who was very angry.
Leperachaun:He only had 3 sons.
Now the first one, he done ran away and went to live on.. the mooooon!
Where he was very happy.
Now the second son ran away to live in a crack in the blarney stone.
And it was a very comfy home indeed.
And finally..
The last son ran away to live inside a cave.
And he invited all his friends..
Who all had a big party.
And they all lived happily ever-- uh, happy, uuumm..Oh yeah! They all lived happily ever--
Marvin:Ah! Duh one nation unguarded for which it stands!(shillelagh bonking) Marvin:Ooh! Ow! Dang! That hurt, I think! Do it again! More! Leperachaun:Er, whenever your done you can hand over that houseboy.

Part 3

Leperachaun:Well, you got one last chance to win your wish.
Leperachaun:If you can pass, a test of courage!
Haggis:Courage! Throw me to the lions! I'll slay any dragons!
Leperachaun:Then prove to me that you're not afraid of..the dark!
(Later)
Leperachaun:Now remember the rules! If you can last more than a minute down there, you win. But if you looose..the shillelagh is mine!
(Later in the well)
Haggis:Ha, courage. Afraid of what dark?
(Thud)
Leperachaun:Here have another egg! (Marvin farts)
Haggis:Well uh, at least there's no snakes.(blink, blink!)
(dice rattling)
Haggis:Well then, certainly there are no monsters?
Marvin:(belches) He, he, he, he, he, he, he!
(belching above well) (Haggis' eyes shaking)
(imaginary monsters growling and moaning)
Haggis:Ooooooohhhh....
(lights match, silence)
Real Monster:Hey buddy! Got a light?
Haggis' Brain:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Haggis' brain yelping)
(gunshot, Haggis whimpering) Leperachaun:Tsk, tsk, tsk. So close! Leperachuan:Well, I'll be taking that shillelagh now. Come on. Haggis:OOOHH-No..not my shillelagh! Oh please don't make me..don't make me...cry! (bawling) Leperachaun:ALL RIGHT!! SHUT UP!!!! Leperchaun:Very well, a leperachaun has got his reputation uphold. It's okay, ye can win. (Haggis gasps happily) Leperachaun:Take this lucky bean! Eat it, and you'll be granted your wish. (Haggis gobbles, Hair growing) Chourus:Hallalujuah! Hallalujuah, Hallalujuah! (Haggis laughing) (laughing continues, explosion in distance)

Note:The generousity part has been deleted. Sorry about that...