(animals making noise)
Haggis: Oooohh, Marvin!
Marvin: Duh, yes Mr. Haggis sir?
Haggis: Uh, help me with my hair.
Marvin: Ah! (whimpering, tape rips) Ow!
Haggis:(slap, sliding) Oh, what I'd do for ma own locks.
|Marvin: Duh here is your breakfast Mr. Haggis. It is your favorite.
Haggis: Oh boy! (cereal pouring, plastic pack thuds) Hmm..
Marvin:Duh "Magic Leprechaun Charm. Just Add Water"! (spits)
(Deep rumbling, poof!)
Leprechaun: Top of the mornin' laddies! Say, nice palace ya got here sonny. You know what they say, "It's a dirty hand that makes a clean home".
Haggis: Ahh! It's a foreigner! Throw him out at once!
Leprechaun: Wait! But I'm a magic leprechaun! I can grant you anything you wish!
Haggis:Give me a flowin' mane of me own locks, right now!
Leprechaun: All right all right! I'll grant you your wish, but only if you can first pass a test..IF your man enough.
Haggis:Oh, yeah? I can pass any measly test! You got yourself a deal!
(Marvin's arm crumbles. Marvin whimpers)
(Arm snaps in half. Haggis and Leprechaun yell and fall. Fade In)
Leprechaun: And now for the first test, baldy. Can ya keep your temper?
Haggis:Huh! What temper?
Marvin: Der, yeah! He is always mad!
Leprechaun: If you fail, the big dumb houseboy is mine. Let's begin!(snaps finger)
Marvin: Click! (operatic record plays)
(Leprechaun leaps on Haggis' head)
Leprechaun: Once upon a time, there was an ugly little Scotsman, who was very angry.
Leprechaun: He only had 3 sons.
Now the first one, (plucks a hair) he done ran away and went to live on.. the mooooon! (sticks hair in Haggis' eye, turning it red.)
Where he was very happy.
(Leprechaun plucks a second hair)
(Jams hair between Haggis' teeth. Haggis struggles to get said hair out of his teeth.)
Now the second son ran away to live in a crack in the blarney stone.
And it was a very comfy home indeed.
(Leprechaun plucks a third hair and inserts it into Haggis' ear)
The last son ran away to live inside a cave.
(inserts a jar of 'EAR MITES' into ear)
And he invited all his friends..
Who all had a big party.
And they all lived happily ever-- uh, happy, uuumm..Oh yeah! They all lived happily ever--
Marvin:Ah! Duh one nation unguarded for which it stands!( Haggis explodes. shillelagh bonking)
Marvin:Ooh! Ow! Dang! That hurt, I think! Do it again! More!
Leprechaun: Er, whenever your done you can hand over that houseboy.
Leprechaun: Oh alright, i'll give ya another chance to win your wish, in a test of generosity!
Leprechaun: But if you fail... you must give me everything you own.
Haggis: Why i'm the generous being in the hole-
Clam: Help! Oh help please! I need some bus fare, to get back to the ocean, can you please spare some change?
Leprechaun: It's a wee price to pay, shiny!
Clam: (inaudible dialogue)
Haggis: What am I doing?
Haggis: The buses are not running today
Haggis: Try flying!
Leprechaun: I, such generosity.
Leprechaun: Welp, you got one last chance to win your wish!
Leprechaun: If you can pass, a test of courage!
Haggis: Courage! Throw me to the lions! I'll slay any dragons!
Leprechaun: Then prove to me that you're not afraid of..the dark!
Leprechaun: Now remember the rules! If you can last more than a minute down there, you win. But if you looose..the shillelagh is mine!
(Later in the well)
Haggis: Ha, courage. Afraid of what dark?
Leprechaun: Here have another egg! (Marvin farts)
Haggis: Well uh, at least there's no snakes.(blink, blink!)
Haggis: Well then, certainly there are no monsters?
Marvin:(belches) He, he, he, he, he, he, he!
(belching above well) (Haggis' eyes shaking)
(imaginary monsters growling and moaning)
(lights match, silence)
Real Monster:Hey buddy! Got a light?
Haggis' Brain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Haggis' brain yelping)
(gunshot, Haggis whimpering)
Leprechaun: Tisk, tisk, tisk, so close.
Leprechaun: Well, i'll be taking that shillelagh now! Come on
Haggis: OOOHH No..not my shillelagh! Oh please don't make me..don't make me...cry!
Leprechaun: ALL RIGHT!! SHUT UP!!!!
Leprerchaun: Very well, a leprechaun has got his reputation uphold. It's okay, ye can win. (Haggis gasps happily)
Leperachaun:Take this lucky bean! Eat it, and you'll be granted your wish.
(Haggis gobbles, A gigantic strand of Hair grows on his head, leaving him overjoyed)
Chorus: Hallelujah! Hallelujah, Hallelujah!
(laughing continues, explosion in distance)